Great Loach: how to respond to child’s refusals
In the life of each parent, one day comes when any proposals, requests, instructions come across an uncompromising children’s “I don’t want, I will not”. Psychologists are confident that the frequency of meetings with the great unwell largely depends on the reaction of the parents to this resistance.
“Don’t want! I will not! I do not like! Leave me alone! No. “When the child refuses to fulfill the request or follow the advice, the most important thing for the parent is to understand the motive for refusal. Only after understanding the reasons, you can decide how to react correctly and, ultimately, win a pedagogical victory. Which, by the way, is not necessarily to insist on his own cost: you can and should agree with the child.
Refusal motifs can be caused by the age and individual needs of the child, but in general they come down to three main points.
- For disagreement, there is a real, significant reason for the child.
- Refusal as a parent check for strength: what will happen if I do not agree?
- The child’s desire to be the main thing in relations with the elders: it will be the way I want!
Several simple steps will help to determine the motive. Firstly, it is important to recognize the child’s right to an alternative point of view: “I see you disagree with me”. Secondly, show him that there are options: “Probably, you want to do it somehow differently. Let’s discuss everything and take the decision together “.
An important point: these phrases do not contain interrogative intonation. We have no doubt about anything, but simply state the facts, thereby emphasizing that control over the situation in our hands. Most likely, the child will not be ready to discuss. The parent’s task is to offer him options, tell about them and make a decision himself using the pronoun “we”. Even if the baby just nods – he sees an example, receives constructive experience.
If at this stage the situation is not allowed, most likely, the child experiences you for strength. In this case, it is important to make the boundaries of the situation and its attitude to it as shortly and clearly as possible – but not to the child!
For example: “It is customary to clean up in our family. Therefore, after 15 minutes your toys in the living room should not be. If this does not happen, I will have to collect them and take them to the playground. Other children will be happy to analyze them. I will be very sad if I have to do this “.
The designation of borders is not a threat and not blackmail, it is important to choose the right words and intonation. Excessive sharpness can nullify all pedagogical maneuvers.
If such a scenario did not work, probably the child managed to grow up in a great bad manner and establishes power over you. Most likely, he has a reason for this: once you gave a slack and have not fulfilled intentions. If you start to take toys to the site, a bad one can roll up a real hysteria. In this case, it is important to maintain calm, politely, but firmly show that you will not retreat from your intentions. Calmly, do not defiantly collect toys in a bag and put at the door. Take the child in your arms or sit with him face to face, hug, wipe the tears. Show him your love, acceptance and lack of aggression.
Say: “I see how you are upset. I’m also very sorry that everything happened like that. Let’s try to fix everything. Do you need my help?»It is important that the child himself (even with your help) takes the toys to his room and remove them. You can complete the situation like this: “It is good that we managed to agree and restore order”. In case of similar situations, it is worthwhile to act in the same way.
The most important thing in the proposed scenario is that you do not release the situation from control, and the child receives constructive experience that will help him act in similar situations in the future. At the same time, your self -control, self -control and readiness for compromise, as well as the sequence of actions and the multiplicity of repetitions are important.
It is better to master this technique as soon as possible: if a non-worship-schoolboy learn this experience, it will be much easier to negotiate with a
good teenage.